Ep080: Unpack Your Fears

Note: This is a computer-generated transcript. That means it's pretty good, but not perfect. If you read something weird or confusing, first laugh, then use the time stamp to hop into the podcast to find out what I REALLY said. 🙂

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Welcome to another episode of Reflections of a Recovering Ugly Duckling, a podcast dedicated to helping you discover and develop your full potential as a unique individual. This is episode 80, and I'm your host, Donna Doyon. Once upon a time, there was a delightful 55 year old woman. She had dreams just like most people have, she said, goal just like most people do. And at one time she hauled heavy, useless fears in a worn backpack.

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Everywhere she went, just like most people do. As a hiker, she had learned to be careful about the items she carried in her pack. The weight and volume of each item had to be measured against the probability of its use and its value on any hiking trip. A first aid kit was a necessity, but the bulky created for any emergency size kit was more than she needed. Instead, she created a customized first aid kit, which held Band Aid bandages in several sizes, a few individually sealed packages of gas tape, a tiny pair of scissors, a tube of antibiotic cream, some Ibuprofen water treatment tablets, and an emergency blanket.

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Her first aid kit fit in a small squishy resealable freezer bag. When she first began hiking, she carried fear of backcountry injuries with her. She looked at her tiny first aid kit, put together based on recommendations by seasoned hikers and worried that it wouldn't be enough, she moved up the rugged New England mountain trails, weighed down by fear that a misstep would twist an ankle or that a fall would gash ahead. Eventually, as she gained more experience and grew more comfortable on the sometimes treacherous paths, she began to leave those fears at home.

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Her pack felt lighter, and she hiked with more ease.

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For most hikes, this delightful woman packed rain gear, a jacket and pants, a down jacket, long underwear, top and bottom, extra socks, and a hat. She also packed a map, food, and a headlamp flashlight. When she first began hiking, she carried the fear of being cold, wet, or experiencing a gastrointestinal emergency, which might soil her clothing. And so she carried extra pants, extra underwear, and extra socks, and each time she returned home after a glorious day on the trails, she unpacked the extra clothes, having never used them.

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Eventually, as she became more comfortable with trail conditions, better understood the effects of a good clothing layering system, and became more adept at pooping in the Woods.

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She began to leave the extra pants, extra underwear, and extra thoughts. At home, her pack felt lighter, and she hiked with more ease. Now, before she even packs, this delightful woman reviews the trail route. She considers the total distance, the elevation gain, and any exposure risks. She checks the forecasted, weather conditions, and then, before she puts an item into her pack, she asks two questions.

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The first one, Do I expect to need this item? And then the second question, If I don't expect to need this item, would I use it in an emergency situation. If the answer to both questions is no, the item does not get packed. If the answer to either question is a maybe she considers the other options available. Is there a lighter, less bulky option?

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If, yes, she'll take the alternative, and if not, the item will probably be packed. After all, this delightful woman is definitely a better, safe than sorry type of woman. One of the greatest lessons this woman has learned as she hikes the trails of New England is that packing her fears weighed her down. It slowed her down. It sapped her energy, and it drained her spirit.

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She has learned that while hiking life's amazing journey when she does it without the burden of her fears, that's one secret to living happily ever after. There is a saying among hikers that we pack our fears, and I believe this to be accurate. My pack is much lighter now than it was when I first started hiking after carrying a certain item for multiple trips coming home, unpacking it, having never used it and asking that question, if there had been an emergency, would I have used this item?

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And when the answer comes up as a no, I started to see the patterns, and I started to leave the extra pairs of socks at home. I decided that instead of carrying two sets of extra batteries from my flashlight, I was probably okay with carrying just one spare set.

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I started leaving behind the extra water filtration system. I had the tablet. So if the bag that Earl was carrying, if something happened to that, we could still treat our water. I stopped carrying the extra sleeping pad because I realized that the extra little bit of cushioning I was receiving at night really wasn't creating that much of a better sleep experience to justify having to carry this extra bulky weight with me as a hiker. Frequently, the fears revolve around items of comfort and safety.

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We want to make sure that we're warm enough that we're dry enough, that we have enough food, we have enough fuel, we have enough light. I remember coming home from a hiking trip. At one point, Earl and I were unpacking, and he kept seemingly pulling pairs of socks out of his pack. And I think he had carried four or five or six pair of socks. And what had happened was as he was packing.

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He wasn't really paying attention, and he started thinking, oh, I need socks and he'd throw a pair into his pack, and then he'd be putting other things in. And he'd say, Did I pack socks? Not sure if I pack socks, and he'd put another pair of socks into his pack. And this progress, he was worried about his feet being cold and his feet remaining dry. And so he just carried all of these extra socks.

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Now you may think, Well, what's the weight of a pair of socks? Well, all told it was probably about another £2 of weight that he was carrying, and it took up quite a bit of volume space within his pack. So his pack was a little bit bulkier, which makes it a little bit more awkward to carry. So in a hiking situation, it can be very easy to identify what your fears are when you look at your choices for what you're carrying because we are literally carrying all of this weight on our back as we have our outdoor adventures.

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How this translates for you and for me into the real practical everyday life is that we all have our fears too, and these fears are weighing us down and slowing us down, just like packing extra equipment that you don't need when you're going hiking.

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I invite you to think about something you would like to do. This can be something you would like to do within your career, your workplace. It could be something you'd like to do on a personal, creative level. It could be something you want to do in regards to improving and magnifying the power of your most precious relationships. I want you to think about where you would like to take whichever activity you pick, whichever aspect of your life.

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Where would you like to go with it? What do you envision in your mind? What is your dream? What is your goal? What would you love to experience and feel?

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And now I ask you, Why aren't you pursuing that? Why are you not making it happen? Chances are good. You're experiencing some fear. You're carrying the weight of that fear and it's holding you back.

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It's preventing you from starting the journey. Some of the common fears. These are fears that I am dealing with on pretty much a daily basis as I progress in my spiritual journey into the world of the woo woo stuff. I am loving this journey but have so many doubts, so many fears. I'm experiencing these types of fears as I'm building this walk with me community and I experience these doubts each time I record a new podcast episode.

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So what are some of these fears? The first one is doing it wrong, doing it wrong and even worse is when people catch you doing it wrong. It's a tough one because most of us don't like to make mistakes. Even when we're learning something new, we want to be excellent at something just coming out of the gate. And I know I've done podcast episodes about this in the past, talking about the need to treat ourselves with Grace and with kindness when we're learning something new.

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It's a learning process where apprentices we are absorbing information, trying to find our own way to use it, our own way to process new information, new ways of doing things. Will we do things wrong? Possibly. But perhaps we're being innovative and we're coming up with coming up with a new, better way to do something just because we do something differently doesn't mean it's wrong. But if someone sees us or if we do it just a little bit off, we feel like we have to justify what we've been doing, or we have to apologize for what we've attempted.

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And so the fear of doing something wrong can hold many of us back. Today, I invite you to ask the magical question. So what if you do it wrong? So what in the grand scheme of your life? In the grand scheme of the world, in the grand scheme of the universe?

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What difference does it make if you've done something wrong? If you can't come up with a very convincing answer to the so what question? Then just let it go. Leave that fear behind. Don't pack it with you on your trip.

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Don't let it weigh you down and hold you back. So what if you do it wrong? At least you're trying. You will find a better way, a more correct way to do it. But you won't know what you're doing wrong until you actually try it.

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Sometimes it can be very easy to watch a movie or video. It can be easy to read instructions in a book. But then when you actually try to apply them, the pieces don't come together exactly as you thought they would. So what? Keep trying.

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Don't let the fear of doing it wrong hold you back. Another fear that I experience frequently is the fear of being different, not just doing things differently, but of actually being different. At my core, most of us, I think it's kind of an innate human nature thing is, we want to fit in. We want to belong, and there are people that are your people. It is that sense of belonging in your deepest place, and we all long for that.

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But if we're different and we let our fear of being different hold us back, that means we will never be recognized by the group where we do belong. Does that make sense? You have to accept that you're different. You have to put it out there so that people will recognize you for who you are, and then people who are similar enough to you, they will find you and they will embrace you and bring you into their flock. And you will be part of this group of people who are similar in their differences.

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Another common fear, which, when I first type this into my notes, I actually misspelled. And I like the alternative. Even as much as I like the original the fear of failing. We've all heard of this one. We don't want to start something if we think we won't be successful at it.

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And we are afraid of failing. The way that I originally Typed it was the fear of falling. Now the fear of falling is perhaps just a little bit different from the fear of failing. When Earl and I started hiking, I was frequently afraid of falling as I was going up or down a mountain trail, I still experience that fear. Occasionally there are sections that are just treacherous, but it's fun to push yourself beyond what you think you might be capable of.

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It's fun to move beyond that fear to face it and say, Ha ha ha. You've got nothing on me now. Granted, sometimes you're white knuckling it, and you're walking away from the incident with bruises and scrape knuckles. That's okay. We have surpassed and overcome this fear.

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We've pushed through it. But the fear of falling, sometimes we are held in high esteem, high regard by other people. And if we do something a little different, we're afraid of falling out of good favor with people, afraid of falling off the pedestal that someone may have put us up on. We're afraid of falling out of the good graces of people around us. Maybe it's family members, maybe it's coworkers.

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Maybe it's your management team, but we're afraid that we're going to fall off whatever level we're currently perceived at. Should we take a certain action? Should we pursue something a little bit unusual? If we're a very logical, organized planner thinker that was me still is me. But as I began to pursue more of my creative interests, I was afraid that people would look at me and say, Well, what's happening to her?

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Is she going through a late midlife crisis? What's going on? She was always so organized, always so methodical about things. Now she's carrying stones in her pockets and she's picking up feathers from the side of the road. What's up with Donna?

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These fears of failing, of falling out of Grace, so to speak, these can go back to the feeling of being different, end up doing it wrong. But if you are feeling compelled in your heart to try something new, to experiment, to enjoy life from a different perspective, look at the world from a different viewpoint. I encourage you to go for it, because if you are feeling it from the inside, that's what you are called to do. That's what you are, that's part of who you are and to deny that is denying your very basic being.

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And these fears, these fears are trying to keep you safe.

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They're trying to keep you feeling comfortable, but they're holding you back. They're not allowing you to live outside of the box that you've been living in. Don't let the fear of failing or the fear of falling hold you back. Another fear that I face is the fear of stalling. Love how I've got that Rhyming thing going on.

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The falling in the stalling. The fear of stalling for me. This comes to play when I start to move forward with something, for instance, my walk with me community. So I had the idea and I was really excited about it and started moving forward. But then I'm afraid that I will not understand some of the technology aspects of it.

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I will not be able to keep my own enthusiasm and momentum going. I'm afraid that I'll stall, that the interest will stall. And let's face it, that can be a reality. The fear of stalling is thinking that things are just going to run out. You're going to run out of gas, the interest will die.

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It's going to stall right there and you're left in the middle of a busy intersection. We're afraid of being different. We're afraid of doing it wrong. We're afraid of failing. We're afraid of falling from the number one spot.

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And I meant to do this after each category of fear, but I forgot. So let's go back through it very quickly. The question to ask if you're afraid of being different is to ask the question. So what? So what if you're different?

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What does it matter in the grand scheme of things, in your life, in the world or in the universe? So what if you're afraid of falling or failing? What's the worst that's going to happen? Ask yourself the question. So what if I am trusting my gut, following my instincts, doing the best that I can with the information that I have and I fail and I fall from the pedestal that someone else has put me up on?

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Didn't want to be there anyway. But if I am following what my heart is telling me is a calling for me and I fail. So what? So what now? You may be thinking, but, Donna, if this is my calling, my life's calling my life purpose and I fail, how can I just ask?

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So what? Here's my response to that. I don't believe it's possible to fail at your life's calling. Will there be hiccups? Yes.

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Will there be? So I'm going to mix metaphors here. Will there be obstacles and road blocks? Yes. Will there be the tours?

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Yes. But I don't believe that if you open yourself up to the answers and the guidance that the universe is providing you, I don't believe that failure is an option. I believe you will be successful. And I don't believe you will ever have to ask the question. So what?

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Here's the thing. If you find you are failing, ask yourself by whose standard who's determining that I'm failing? Is it just another fear popping up? Is it more baggage that I need to unpack and leave at home before I continue on my journey? Have you set your standards too high?

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Are you aiming for perfection and not able to achieve it and therefore feel like a failure? Are you thinking that there is only one possible option rather than opening yourself up to some of the alternatives? In the story, I talked about looking at items as I'm putting them into my pack and considering whether or not there is an alternative that can either serve double duty or that can be a lighter weight alternative. So perhaps what you're trying to accomplish is the best of the best. But perhaps the best of the best is not what's needed.

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And perhaps the best of the best would limit your audience for who can benefit from whatever this project is. Perhaps you need to scale it down so your product or service can be enjoyed by more people. Perhaps all of the bells and whistles that you dreamed of were not things that people even care about. So it was something that was important to you, but not for the people you are creating it for. So if you feel like you failed, there are many questions to ask, and another good one is.

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What have I learned in this process? Because sometimes failing at one aspect or one part of a project, it's such a learning opportunity, and you can't advance to a new level, a new version of that without having had the experience of that failure. And that point can tie right into the fear of stalling. So what if you go as far as you can and you're stalled? You can't figure things out.

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So what? This is another area where I am going to say if it's meant to be, if it is part of your higher purpose, you're calling you feel this task, this project, this service, this purpose from the heart of your heart. You won't be able to stall. You won't be able to not figure things out. So that double negative there.

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That means that you will most definitely be able to figure things out. You may need to grow a little bit. You may need to reach out and tell people I need help. Does anyone know someone who can help me with this? The answers are out there, and you can move forward.

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And you can do whatever amazing things you want to do, whether it's creatively, whether it's intellectually, whether it's socially, you have so many dreams, so many goals. Don't let your fear hold you back. Don't let them weigh you down. Keep hiking up your mountains. It can be hard.

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It can be so challenging. Your lungs and your muscles might be burning as you keep moving forward and moving upward. But your heart is going to be singing. And when you reach the summit. Oh, my goodness.

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The view in front of you is amazing. It's a perfectly clear day. You can see for 50 or 60 miles. It's a glorious day to be alive, to be setting and achieving your goals, to living your dream life. Your fears have not held you back.

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They don't have that power over you. They can be little blips in your consciousness. And then you just boot them right back out. You pull them out of your pack like you would an extra pair of socks and you say, no, I'm not carrying you. You don't serve my purpose.

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You will not benefit me. In the case of an emergency. I need my strength of spirit, my strength of heart and my faith in the universe. That what I am doing is what I am called to do and experiencing that level of inner peace, inner joy and inner trust. That feeling that's one secret to living happily ever after.

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Thank you so much for listening to today's episode of Reflections of a Recovering Ugly Duckling. If you like what you just heard, I hope you'll stop by my web address. Donna Doyon dot com that's D-O-N-N-A-D-O-Y-O-N dot com or visit and feel free to bring along your friends and colleagues. You can listen to past episodes from the podcast Tab. The music to this podcast is called Drifting Upstream by Hyson.