Donna Doyon Gilbert
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  • Ep086: Stick Together When Times are Tough

During life's tough times, instead of pulling away and thinking no one cares or needs to be burdened by your challenges, reach out to accept a hand in support.

Likewise, when a friend is going through tough times, be attentive, kind, and compassionate. Your job is not to fix their situation, but to witness, listen to, and support them. You can do this without feeling pulled down or sucked into their "drama," by using a simple energy clearing technique, I share in this episode.

Read the Transcript

Note: This is a computer-generated transcript. That means it's pretty good, but not perfect. If you read something weird or confusing, first laugh, then use the time stamp to hop into the podcast to find out what I REALLY said. 🙂

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Welcome to another episode of Reflections of a Recovering Ugly Duckling, a podcast dedicated to helping you discover and develop your.

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Full potential as a unique individual. This is Episode 18, and I'm your host, Donna Doyon. Once upon a time, there lived a delightful 55 year old woman. Most weekends, she and her handsome rogue paladin were found on some wellworn path in the mountains of Maine or New Hampshire. During the week, they determined their next destination. They picked their starting point and selected the trail they would follow. They packed their packs and usually rose before the butt crack of early on Saturday morning to start their adventure. They learned as much as they could about the trail they would be hiking. But despite reading trail reports and viewing pictures that other hikers had taken, they really didn't know what they would encounter between the trailhead and the summit. They didn't know if the trail was well marked or if they would have to search for the correct path. They didn't know if the path was strewn with rocks and foot snagging roots, or if it was cushioned with leaves, pine needles, and fairy dust. They didn't know if they would spot a deer, a moose, or a bear, or if they would see the typical squirrels, toads, and snakes.

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They did know that those things didn't really matter. Those things were what made these adventures adventurous. Some hikes were definitely easier than others. The weather, the trail conditions, and their soul conditions impacted greatly. Whether a trail seemed difficult or easy, some days, the delightful woman bounced up the trail. Other days, she dragged her butt up it. Some days, the rogue paladin collapsed on the trail to catch his breath. And other days, he strutted up it like a viral hiker on a quest. For the most part, they kept each other going. When one was weak, the other was strong. But magic happened on the days when both were strong. They bragged about their hiking prowess. They laughed at the strenuous rating the trail had earned in the hiking books and on the forums. They would reach the summit, fling their arms up in the sky and declare, we are here, mohahahahahaha. Magic also happened on the days when both were weak. The smiles were few, the laughter nonexistent. They cursed the people who raided the trail as easy to moderate. They each wanted to surrender to the call of home, but they didn't. When they finally reached the summit, they collapsed on the hard surface, shook their heads and muttered, I can't believe we made it.

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They kissed, honoring a summit tradition that had naturally developed. And then they would laugh. They laughed at how hard the climb had been. They continued to question the published rating for the trail. And then they searched the bottom of their packs, certain the other person had stuffed some rocks in it. After resting, they strapped on their packs and hiked back to the trailhead. It was a day when grueling determination made the achievement of another mountain summit, another checkmark added to a list possible. And it was all because they stuck together. Even though it was hard sticking together through the good times and the bad. That's one secret to living happily ever after. This week, I just want to remind you how important it is that we stick together. We stick together to support and encourage each other even when we are struggling ourselves. Now, I don't mean to suggest that you need to put your own needs and your own wants and your own challenges to the side and pretend they're not there, but we can share them. When you are going through a tough life situation, you may be the only one, you may be the person in a place of weakness.

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And your other friends or family members, they may be going through periods where they're feeling strong. And that is a time for you to allow them to help carry you, to support you, to help you get through it. Likewise, there are times when you will be in a position of strength, life will be running smoothly for you, and you will have a friend or a family member who is struggling. This is your opportunity to give back, to pay forward, to be the type of friend that you would like to have when you are being challenged. And then there are those times when it seems like the stars are aligned for everyone that we know. Life is moving ahead, so full of power and grace and goodness. And those are times when it is truly magical and we can support and encourage and just enjoy being together, enjoy the fullness, the richness of life. And then we have those times when the people around us are struggling, we are struggling. It's a time when we feel very weak and perhaps alone. Even during these times, we can gain strength from each other. We can just keep putting 1ft in front of the other, moving forward.

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No matter how slowly, we are still making progress. We are sticking together. We are not saying, well, your life sucks. I'm going to just step away until things get better for you. We're not saying My life sucks. I am not going to bring you down even more because things are so bad for me. This is not the time to abandon ship. This is not the time to say that our friendships and our relationships are not important to us. This is the time to just keep plodding along together, sheer determination, knowing that things will change, trusting the universe to bring us through whatever we're going through and bring us to a better place. When you're seeing someone who's struggling, do you just keep going, keep walking on your path? Or do you occasionally check back to see how they're doing? Do you help them as much as you can? Now, granted, there is a fine line between helping someone, encouraging and supporting them on their journey without getting attached to them, chained to them, bogged down by what they're going through, so that it impacts your forward movement. I do believe there is a balance. I do believe there is a way that we can do both.

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As I have been developing my intuitive skills, I have learned about cutting the energetic bonds that we have between people. There is a crystal called Selenite, which is used for clearing. It can clear physical, mental, emotional gunk from your energy field. I was watching a video recently in which a woman used a shard of cellanite to kind of slash down the length of her body and cutting those invisible energy bonds that she had with other people. So if you're helping a friend, helping someone who's going through some struggles, and you're starting to feel weighted down by that, it could be because energetically you are still connected to them with this golden bond of love that you send out to them and they're kind of pulling for your energy right now. And if you use a piece of selenite or even just your hands, just make that slicing motion to cut off that cord, to mentally separate yourself, to physically, spiritually separate yourself from their energy, that will allow you to continue moving forward yourself. And then every once in a while, energetically, you'll reach out to this person and you'll send out your spidey web through your fingertips, that energy bond.

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And you'll check in with them and say hey, how's it going? And they may be very depressed and very anxious and very down and tell you what's going on in their life. And you can listen with compassion, know that they are just a wounded human being who is going through a tough time and you can be there for them, you can be that positive energy, you can be that healing energy, you can send them the love that they need. And when the interaction is done, you can clear that energetic bond between you. You can slice it so that it's not holding you back, you're not being pulled back to that negative place. It's an amazing concept and one that I am really enjoying exploring because I've always been impacted by other people's energy when I am around people that have very high energy, I felt them draining me. When I was around very negative people, I felt them draining me. And there were a few people that I truly felt comfortable around. But now I've learned to put up my bubble, which I've always called it my introverted bubble. But I'm learning that energetically, it's more than that.

[00:09:32.760]

It is this separation between me and someone else. And so many times when I'm approaching these friends, I put up my bubble first and this gives me some protection. It allows me to maintain my own energy level, my own high vibration, while also addressing and helping them and being compassionate with them. And then afterwards, I do the clearing exercise, and it really has made a difference. Now I'll go back to something that I talked about in the episode where I talked about Karen Kremer's book, Honor Your Health. You may be listening to this and saying, donna, you're so full of crap. I don't believe any of this stuff. And that's okay. I was exactly there, too. Some days I still am. A transformation like this cannot happen overnight, not believing at all to fully buying into it and accepting it as your truth. I am on my journey there, though, because so far, what I'm experiencing supports it. So the big question is, what if it does work? What if, just mentally, emotionally and spiritually, you make a cut between the bond that is connecting you, that invisible string that has cast out, and that's holding you close to them?

[00:10:51.760]

What if it does work to cut that energetically? Is it worth giving it a try? Because that way you can continue to support this friend that's stranded on that trail that's going slower without it actually slowing you down. On those days when Earl and I are hiking and we are not feeling it, we are struggling every step up the mountain, the roots seem to be popping out of the ground and grabbing at our shoes. The rocks just feel so hard. There's no spring in them at all. That may sound funny. Sometimes when you're hiking, rocks actually seem bouncy. You kind of propel yourself from one rock to another to another, and it's a great buoyant feeling. Other days, those rocks, you seem to pound and pound and pound, and your feet just start to ache from all of the weight, the force that's being put onto those rocks. And then you get free of the rocks and you're into the roots, and they're grabbing your feet, and you're tripping and you're stumbling, and it can be miserable. But, you know, there is magic in sharing the difficulties in life not to moan and complain, although Earl and I do moan and complain, and there's a lot of this sucks.

[00:12:05.640]

And then the counter response is, always embrace the suck, dear. Because sometimes life is hard, sometimes those trails are hard, and sometimes, depending on the circumstances, you will choose to give up that day. But hopefully you are determined enough that you will go back to conquer whatever it was at a later date after you've had time to recharge, refuel, rethink what was going on. We have hiked mountains and trails that were so difficult that we turned around and then we've gone back and said, what was the problem? What was so hard about that? And that's what makes me believe that it's not the trail that impacts how easy it is. It's actually your frame of mind. Of course, your body conditioning has something to do with it, but once you've conditioned your body to those circumstances, in trail life and whatever is going on in your life, you're familiar with it. You've handled situations in the past. The thing that will determine whether something is easy or hard is your energetic vibration level. When you are in a funk, when you're feeling doubtful, you're feeling scared, you're feeling confused, you're feeling worried, all of those emotions and thoughts that keep you stuck, when you're feeling those, your energy level is low.

[00:13:26.050]

Your vibration level is low, and that's holding you down. It's a very heavy feeling. But when you elevate yourself to the place where you think it's possible, you hope you can, you think you can, you know you can. When other people are supporting you and they're in your corner and they're saying, go for it. You can do this. I believe in you that's when your vibration raises rises, it goes up, and suddenly you're in this higher place, and you feel light and you're bouncing from rock to rock rather than feeling like you're picking them up with every step you take. This is something that you can develop, but that's a topic for another podcast episode. Note to self do a podcast episode about how to elevate your vibration level. Yes, I'm getting into more of the woo woo stuff, and it's amazingly exciting for me. Back to today's talk. Sticking together through the good and the bad times, we are each on our own journey through life. We each have our own calling, our own yearning, our own destiny. And you may have a sense of what that is. You may still be in search of it.

[00:14:36.840]

Both are grand adventures. Allow yourself to explore. Allow yourself to practice the what if thought. What if I gave this a try? What if it doesn't work out? So what? But even as we travel on our journeys and there are people traveling with us, their journeys are not exactly like ours. When Earl and I hike up a trail, we're hiking the same trail. But our experiences are different. Based on who we are and what we know and what we believe, we can be companions without actually walking the other person's path. I am not carrying Earl when we're hiking. He is not carrying me. But we typically have a pretty good idea of how tough a hike is for each other because we share it, we talk about it. When you're going through difficult times, I do hope you'll share those with your friends, with your loved ones. This past Saturday would have been my son Shaun's 28th birthday. He died when he was 21. Every year, I've done something to celebrate his birthday. For the most part, I usually celebrate his birthday alone. This year, I did something a little different. This year, I shared on Facebook with my friends and family members how I was celebrating his day.

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I don't remember the exact order of how I did things, but I watched some of his favorite movies I watched The Lord of the Rings, which I have never been able to get through without falling asleep. He would always laugh at me, but I got through. Lord of the Rings actually enjoyed it. The first one. Fellowship of the Rings. I watched The Land Before Time, which was his favorite movie as a youngster, and I sat with his stuffed animal, Chomper, aka Barney, but don't call him Barney to Sean, and just cuddled with Sean's stuffed animal and felt Sean as if Sean were in my arms. And then I ended the day with watching the Power Rangers. Mighty Morphin Power Rangers the Original Series I watched a couple of episodes, the first two episodes, and then I advanced to where Tommy, the Green Ranger, who turned into the White Ranger, became part of the show. And, oh, my gosh, that was a five part storyline to bring this character in. And I sat through the whole thing and actually enjoyed the campiness of that show throughout the day. I also ate cake. Lots and lots of cake.

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It was a unique experience for me to share this, but the outpouring of love and support that I received from people who have never lost a child and from people who have lost a child, I felt like I had made a connection that was so much larger than the grief that I was experiencing. This was not a moment of weakness, but it was when I was feeling weak. The love and support of everyone lifted me up, made this day more special. And I am grateful that I was guided to do this, because the voices in my head said, no one cares. No one wants to read about your sadness. But people did. People do want to be there for us. They want to be there for you. When you are feeling weak, let it become your strength. Let others reach out and support you. Because even through life's most difficult moments, when we stick together, that's when we can all live happily ever after.

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Thank you so much for listening to today's episode of Reflections of a Recovering Ugly Duckling.

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If you like what you just heard.

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I hope you'll stop by my web address, donnadoyon.com. That's Donnadoyon.com for a visit, and feel free to bring along your friends and colleagues. You can listen to past episodes from the podcast tab. The music for this podcast is called Drifting Upstream by Hyson.

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The music for this podcast is Drifting Upstream by Hyson. The music was slightly remixed and fit to needed duration.
License: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0


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