Donna Doyon
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  • Ep141: Set a Goal & Let It Happen

Becoming emotionally attached to a goal can work against your advancement towards that goal. Releasing that attachment allows you to open yourself and your process to assistance from the Universe.

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Note: This is a computer-generated transcript. That means it's pretty good, but not perfect. If you read something weird or confusing, first laugh, then use the time stamp to hop into the podcast to find out what I REALLY said. 🙂

[00:00:02.930] - Speaker 1

Welcome to another episode of Finding My Way, a podcast dedicated to sharing the scattered thoughts and muddled musings of this 50 something year old woman. Each week, I'll share my experiences, challenges, doubts and fears as well as the lessons I've learned that keep me moving forward toward my dreams. And yes, this is the podcast that was formerly known as Reflections of a Recovering Ugly Duckling. This is episode 141, and I'm your host, Donna Doyon. Have you ever set a goal and then just let it happen?

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Have you been able to emotionally detach from the goal? Realizing that the goal itself doesn't matter? It's the process of achieving the goal. That's what matters. And that's where the magic in life happens.

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That's what I'm going to talk about this week is how to and why it's important to detach ourselves emotionally from the goals that we set. If you've listened to my podcast for a while, you know that I am big on setting goals. I have accomplished so many things over the course of my life, things that I'm proud of, but things I kind of tend to forget about because they happened in the past, and I'm looking forward to the future. One thing that I have not always been successful at doing something I wasn't aware that it would be beneficial to do is to allow myself to emotionally detach from the goal.

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And what I mean by that is I've always realized the value of achieving the goal. It's that process of becoming the person I need to be. This is based on a Jim Rohn quote that I heard 30 years ago set big goals not for the goal itself but for the person you become to achieve it. And that's always been so inspiring to me. I set my goals. Some of them are big, they're bold and they're scary because I want to be the type of person that can accomplish them.

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But here's what happens if I put too much emotional attachment to that goal as I'm slowly progressing towards achieving it, or I run into a roadblock or there's an obstacle or life gets in the way, and I need to make another choice. I let my progress towards that goal say something about who I am as a person. As an example, last November, I was participating in the National Novel Writing Month Nanorino. The purpose of this worldwide event is to write a 50,000 word novel in the month of November.

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It's daunting it's a lot of writing. It's really committing yourself to this process. Well, I got started and then life got in the way and I wasn't feeling inspired and life got in the way, and I didn't feel like writing and life got in the way, basically on a daily basis. I started making other choices, and there's nothing wrong with making other choices, but I started to let it say something about me, and my inner talk was saying, Hold on. Why did you even commit to doing this? The commitment was signing up on a website.

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No one knew me. It's not like it was written in blood. It's not like I paid $20,000 to participate in this program, but I started feeling badly about myself. Now I'm far enough in this self development journey that I was able to quickly turn that talk around and to remind myself, hey, every day you made a choice. You knew that writing was always an option and you chose something else.

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Don't beat yourself up for it. There is always going to be time to write. There may not have always been other time to do the other things that I chose, which I honestly don't remember what they were. But sometimes it's setting the goal so that you can become the person you need to be to accomplish it. I have successfully accomplished Nanorimo National Novel Writing Month two or three times in the past.

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It's been a great experience, and I've really focused on it. But having completed those 50,000 plus word novels, that doesn't say anything about me either. All that says is that I completed a 50,000 word novel that I made the choices to do that. And as I say frequently, life is all about the choices that we make, the habits that we incorporate into our daily routine to support the things we want to do. The times when I've completed Nanorimo, I have made the commitment.

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I have changed up my daily habits to free up the time for writing. That was a choice that I made. That was part of my process. It was part of my plan. Once I set that goal, writing the 50,000 words was the goal.

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But the process of becoming the writer who could write 500 words. That was my journey. And that was amazing. The times that I completed it and the times that I didn't complete it, well, I didn't complete it. I wasn't a failure.

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It didn't mean I wasn't a writer. It just meant that I didn't make that choice that time. That's what I'm talking about when I say to emotionally detach from the goal. When we are able to separate ourselves emotionally from the goal, to realize that whether we achieve it or not doesn't say anything about who we are, it does a couple of things. First.

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It allows us to set those really big, bold, scary goals, and it allows us to create a loosey goosey plan to achieve it. We don't have to have everything perfect. We don't have to have all of our Ducks lined up, but we can have this loose plan to achieve it. Instead of waiting for perfection and thinking everything has to be in order. And then we can start following that plan.

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It allows us to release the anxiety, the stress, the pressure of having to achieve it, because we know that even though we have a goal, we have a destination in mind. We realize that achieving it is not the point setting the goal, the intention. That's the point daring to be that bold and that brave to actually say, I'm going to do this, whether it's writing a book or losing weight or going after that job promotion, whatever it is you want, you set the goal, put the intention out there and trust that the universe is going to help you accomplish it, that the universe is conspiring in your favor, but then also be mindful.

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The universe may have something better planned for you. I like to think of it as the goal is getting us started in a direction, but we don't have to hold that goal as the destination because we may find ourselves traveling to a place that we didn't even know existed.

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But if we're emotionally and mentally attached to and determined to reach that goal, that it's. That one particular goal that matters that's going to define us. That's going to say something about us. That means that we are leaders, that we're strong, that we're writers, that we're healthy. Whatever we think that goal is going to say about us is not the case because we are all of those things that that goal can help us be.

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We already have them inside us. We may not recognize them yet, and that's what our journey is all about. So we can find that when we restrict and limit our opportunities because we're so set on one destination, this one goal that we fail to see all of the opportunities that are around us. And then we also feel the burden of a path that instead of feeling like we're walking, carefree and trusting, that all is as it's supposed to be, we start questioning, we start wondering, we start doubting, and we start thinking, oh, my gosh, I've gone this far.

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I have to keep going, because what will people think?

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They'll think I'm a quitter. They'll think I couldn't do it, but I know I can do it. So I am going to keep pushing my way, pushing my way, pushing my way through this because the goal is what matters. It's not the goal that matters. It's your journey.

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It's what you're learning about yourself along the way. It's who you're becoming along the way. The universe is there to help you and support you and put the people in your life that will help you reach whatever it is that is in your best interests. To reach the universe has the answer to that. You may think you know what it is, but you may not really open yourself up to trust and to do that, you have to let go of that goal.

[00:08:51.650] - Speaker 1

You can set it plan for it, work your plan, tweak your plan, but always be open to that inner voice, your higher self, your higher power. Who's giving you the guidance along the way? What I encourage you to do what I try to do for myself is picture the goal as having been accomplished, whether it's weight loss, writing a book, getting that promotion, begin living the present as if you're already there. If you already have it, focus on the actions you're taking, nurture the positive emotions that fuel those actions, challenge any thoughts that make you feel less than capable to accomplish those necessary actions and be sure to separate your thoughts from the facts of the situation and whether those facts are the numbers on the scale or the number of words you wrote a certain day or the competition or the job requirements for that desired job promotion.

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Picture yourself having accomplished it.

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You already have that within yourself. Allow those feelings to fully define who you are so that you really feel like you've already got it. Because once you feel those strong, powerful, positive emotions, those are going to fuel your actions, your motivation, what you're doing to accomplish it. It's going to help you move beyond any roadblocks and obstacles that come in the way. Now let me give you a warning.

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A couple of things. First of all, it may not happen your way when you are open to it. The universe has amazing plans for you. Those plans may be better than what you can even imagine. Allow yourself to be open to that.

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Know that if you don't get exactly what it is you want, the universe still has something better planned for you. Just be patient. Don't be so emotionally clinging to that goal that didn't happen to that promotion, to that book, to that weight loss. Don't be so emotionally bound to them that you can't see what's coming next. And don't let the perceived failure or lack keep you from seeing the opportunities that are coming before you so that you resist them.

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You refuse them. You reject them because you think, well, why bother? Why should I try this time? It never worked before. Why should I apply for this promotion?

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Because I've never gotten one before. No, these might be the best opportunities for you. Keep listening to your heart. Follow the guidance. Learn what you can learn.

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Become who you need to become. Be willing to experience the discomfort, the bit of chaos, the uncertainty. Know that all of that is normal. It's natural. It's okay.

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It's part of your process. It's part of letting go of who you were and what you were thinking so that you can become who you are and who you will become. When you're looking at your goals, remind yourself they're just goals. They're neutral. They're not positive or negative.

[00:12:05.450] - Speaker 1

Whether you achieve it or not, whether you achieve it exactly as you envisioned it or not. It doesn't matter. And it doesn't say anything about your intelligence, your work ethic, your ability to do that thing. It's just a goal. It is totally separate from you.

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You are you. You are unique and you are wonderful exactly as you are in this moment. That goal and the progress towards that goal doesn't define you. Sometimes we get in a rush to accomplish things. I did an episode a few months ago called The Feminine Approach to Goalsetting or The Feminine Approach to Smart Goals.

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And I'll put a link to that in the show notes, which you can access at donnadoyon. Com. One. Four, one. But as I was talking about the feminine approach to smart goals, one of the points was that they are timeless.

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And just because you don't reach the goal today, if it's still something your heart is calling you to do, there is another time. It doesn't have to be done today or tomorrow. That goal, that heart calling will still be there, and you will have time to achieve it. Listen to your heart. Follow your gut, trust your instincts, all of those cliched ways of saying, Trust yourself.

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You've got this. You've totally got this. And because you've totally got this, you don't have to hold on to that goal so strongly with so much emotion that's holding you back. Just let it flow freely, let the universe work its magic. Another thing that occurred to me is to remind you that as you progress towards your goal, as you're creating your plan, you're working your plan, you're tweaking your plan, you're letting life get in the way, and your plan is on hold for a little bit, and you go back to your plan.

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Your ego is always going to try to keep you in check. It's going to try to keep you safe and protected within your comfort zone. And we've talked about the comfort zone a lot. Life is exciting, and life happens outside of your comfort zone. It's that continual growth, stretching yourself, trying something new, being curious.

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I want to encourage you to be like that three year old that's in the garden, and they're just curious about everything. It's like, wow, what is this? You see a Bumblebee flying around and it's landing on flowers, and you just stand there for minutes just watching it fly around your ego. Is that parental voice that's saying, oh, don't touch the Bee, don't want to get stung, don't want to get hurt. Back off.

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You're going to be looking around and you're going to see the colors on the flowers, and you're going to reach out to touch them. And your ego is saying, oh, don't touch that. That's a delicate flower. You might hurt it. You might break it.

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Step back, step away from the flowers. And your curious three year old is going to be in there. And it's going to see all of the dense foliage of the greenery. And you're going to get down on your knees and you're going to start crawling through it. And your ego is going to say, hey, wait, wait.

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You're trampling the flowers. The flowers can't grow. If you trample them back out, your ego is going to want to pull you out. Put a fence around you and or the garden. But your inner self, your curious three year old, wants to crawl in there because you were pretty sure you saw a ferry that was living beneath one of the flowers.

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You want to go in there, you want to see what's in there. It's teeming with life and growth. But your ego is saying no, no, that's fine the way it is. Just back away from it. Back away.

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You can admire it from a distance, but don't touch. Don't become part of that garden. Your ego is always going to ramp up your emotional state. It wants to keep you feeling fearful, full of doubt because it wants to protect you. This is the job of your ego is to keep you feeling safe.

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But the only real scary things in our lives these days are the things that happen in our minds. I was listening to a podcast yesterday morning on my Walk. It's the Mind Your Business podcast with James Wedmore. He was interviewing a woman named Katherine Zenkina, and she's apparently known as the Manifestation Babe. I've never heard of her before, but some of the things she said were interesting enough and related to this topic.

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So I pulled out my phone and I jotted them down in my Evernote app. One thing she covered, which was how to differentiate between your ego speaking and your higher self or your higher power. And I really liked some of the things she said, but some of my notes, I'm not sure if they were things she actually said or if they were thoughts that I had around what she said. So this is kind of a combination of the three of us. So one thing she said was that ego is focused on short term benefits over the long term benefits.

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So ego is when you're feeling impatient, you're in a rush. Everything feels frantic. It feels like it's an emergency. And I think I added the comment that ego is also when we see things or we have the choice to do something that seems fun. It seems sexy.

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It's very immediate rush of gratification. It's that in the moment choice that takes us away from what we really want. Your higher self, your higher spirit. This is when you can focus on long term benefits over short term benefits. This is the time.

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These are the activities. These are our daily habits, people, the things that are so they're calm, they're boring. They're pretty mundane. I look at them as something that's pulling you towards something rather than pushing you away from something ego, I feel like is pushing you away. It's pushing you back to safety.

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Higher self, inner self that's pulling you towards what your heart desires. When you are experiencing the pull of ego, this is when you feel the pressure. Everything is a rush. It has to be done a certain way. People may be watching.

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They may be passing judgment when you're approaching things from your higher self from your higher power. This is when you are able to relax and go with the flow. You experience that pleasure of knowing that it's about the journey that you're transitioning. You can be curious about what's going on around you. You don't have that tie to the outcome because you know you trust that what you want or something better is going to happen because you may not even be fully aware of what's possible for you at this stage, but you're allowing yourself to be open to whatever happens because you know that that's in your greater good.

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One thing that Catherine's and Kena talked about is that the what you do doesn't matter as much as doing something as stretching yourself of overcoming the emotions that are holding you back. And I think this was my own insight from what they were saying that sometimes people say, I don't know what my purpose in life is. I hear this frequently and I've experienced it myself and thought myself several times. What is my purpose? I've come to realize that for me, my purpose is just showing up and doing what I feel compelled to do.

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This podcast is my purpose. It's reaching the people who need to hear these messages of hope and encouragement of self discovery and the people that are hearing this message and know someone else who needs to hear this message. They're sharing that. And I do feel like this is my purpose. I am living my purpose.

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So my purpose is just sharing my journey. It's walking my walk. It's talking, my talk. Sometimes our purpose many times. Our purpose, I believe, is not the destination.

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It's our direction, and it's sharing our experiences along the way, making the changes that we can make as we walk through our own lives. Now, some other people, I think you know what your purpose is, but you're afraid to pursue it. You're afraid to live it. And that's because you're living from a place of ego. Those voices inside of you or the external voices are saying, oh, you couldn't possibly do that.

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What do you know about that? Well, three years ago, I knew nothing about creating a podcast. And here I am making a weekly podcast episode. There are things you don't know how to do. That doesn't mean you can't learn how to do them.

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This is part of your journey. And as a couple of weeks ago, I talked about what is authentic happiness. And I talked about how from my opinion, I believe that happiness is the journey. It's not a destination. It's when you do these little things and you learn these new skills or you have these ideas and you allow them to rattle around in your head and transition down into your heart or vice versa.

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And you start to say, OOH, what is possible for me and you get all squirmy in your chair and you start thinking, what could I do that's your growth, and that is exciting. That's part of your journey. That's part of your purpose is to experience the fullness the richness of your life. Your time here on Earth, focusing on what you perceive to be the destination. The goal for any aspect of your life will steal some of the joy from it.

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Set the goal. Create a looseygoosey plan to achieve the goal and then forget about the goal. Focus on working your plan. Focus on tweaking your plan. Focus on listening to your intuition and just letting your journey unfold as it unfolds you're off on an adventure.

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So this week I encourage you. I challenge you. Look at one of the goals that you've set. Take a look at how emotionally attached you are to that goal. Your emotional attachments can be holding you back.

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Emotional attachments are an invitation for ego to stay on guard, to stay right there, front and center, directing your progress. That's not what you want. That's not what you need. You need to say ego appreciate all you've done for me, but it's time for you to take a step back. Let my inner three year old be curious and have fun and explore because this is the journey of my life.

[00:23:21.930] - Speaker 1

If you enjoy listening to this podcast and you are ready to overcome your own doubts and fears so that you can step out of your current limiting roles and responsibilities and into your whatever venture potential you have to check out walk With Me. It's additional guidance on finding your way to the delightfully imperfect life of your dreams. Check it out at Donnadoyon.com/walk. I'd love to have you walk with Me me. The music for this podcast is Drifting Upstream by Hyson.


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Show Notes:

Here are links to my past episodes that I mentioned and also the Mind Your Business podcast:

Ep126: A Feminine Approach to SMART Goals

Ep139: Authentic Happiness

Mind Your Business Podcast with James Wedmore and guest Kathrin Zenkina. Good listening even if you don't have a business or "Whatever Venture."

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Be sure to click on the active player.

The music for this podcast is Drifting Upstream by Hyson. The music was slightly remixed and fit to needed duration.
License: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0

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