Donna Doyon
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  • Ep138 – Revisiting My One Word

It's time to revisit and RELEASE the One Word that has been my filter for the past 9 or 10 months. I've cut ties, gained clarity, and released the self-inflicted pressures upon myself. Now is the time to experience the EASE in finding my way.

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Note: This is a computer-generated transcript. That means it's pretty good, but not perfect. If you read something weird or confusing, first laugh, then use the time stamp to hop into the podcast to find out what I REALLY said. 🙂

[00:00:02.760]

Welcome to another episode of Finding My Way, a podcast dedicated to sharing the scattered thoughts and muddled musings of this 50 something year old woman. Each week I'll share my experiences, challenges, doubts and fears, as well as the lessons I've learned that keep me moving forward toward my dreams. And yes, this is the podcast that was formerly known as Reflections of a Recovering Ugly Duckling. This is Episode 138, and I'm your host, Donna Doyon. 

[00:00:37.560]

Release. That's the word that chose to be my focus word for the end of 2018 until now. And I will tell you that I have been releasing a ton of crap from my life. And this isn't just physical clutter, although I have done some of that. But I've let go of a lot of the emotional baggage that's been weighing me down. But for the past few weeks, I've been feeling that a change is in the wind, which makes me think of Mary Poppins, the original movie, when Mary Poppins is going to be there until the wind changes.

[00:01:12.930]

Well, I feel like the wind is changing for me and it's coming time for me to release this word and allow another word to find me to become the lens through which I experience my life for the next period of time. And if you notice at the beginning when I started this, I said that the word release chose me. It chose to be my focus. In Episode 107, I talked about choosing this word or allowing this word to choose me and how it came to be.

[00:01:47.130]

So I'll put a link for that episode in the show notes if you want to go back to hear how I found released, how police found me, that would be at Donna Doyon dot com forward slash one zero seven. And in just a few minutes, I'm going to tell you what my new word is that I feel like it's transitioning into being. And I think it's already started to flavor what I'm seeing and what I'm experiencing. But before I do that, I want to share with you the results of my Attending the Creative Mornings networking event this past Friday.

[00:02:25.740]

I talked about this in last week's episode of how I was inviting myself to grow, becoming more comfortable and putting myself into social situations and networking situations. It's not something I'm comfortable with and it's something that I just feel drawn to. It feels like a challenge to me. And the sweet thing is, which is part of this transition for me from release to ease. Oops, I just gave it away. I just gave away my new word. Oh no.

[00:02:55.860]

But this transition is taking the work and the complications and the difficulties and the baggage out of what I'm doing in my life to just make things easier. So here's what happened last Friday. I woke up, I did get out of bed early enough to go for my brisk five mile walk, which was great, a great way to start the day, especially when I knew I was going to be doing something that was uncomfortable for me. So it was just about 10 till eight in the morning.

[00:03:27.300]

I got in the car and I'm heading south on the turnpike. I've already plugged the address into my GPS and I'm getting closer and closer and my stomach is starting to feel a little topsy turvy and tipsy Topsy. And I'm thinking, oh, I really don't want to go. But I stuck with it. And part of my nerves I know was anticipating driving down into the metropolis of Portsmouth, New Hampshire, which is not a big city, but it's unfamiliar.

[00:03:55.830]

It's uncomfortable. I would be relying on my GPS to get me where I needed to go. Well, everything went fine until it didn't. Anticipating a right hand turn. I'm on a road that has two lanes going in the in the same direction. So four lanes total. And my GPS tells me I'm going to be taking a right turn. So I smoothly move into the right hand lane and then soon find myself in a right turn. Only Lane, not where I want to turn, but I couldn't get back into the left lane, so I took the turn.

[00:04:31.090]

I knew that my GPS would get me back on track and I really didn't go that far out of the way, which was awesome. Awesome. I drove past the venue where this meeting was being held, continued up the street, saw a sign for public parking, pulled into the public parking lot, and immediately my stomach kind of clenched because it was one that has one of those parking meter kiosks. So you go over to it and you put your credit.

[00:04:59.640]

Card or your your change, your money and and you get a ticket for it. I had never used one before. As I approached it, there was a woman using it and she saw me coming up and she said, I'm so sorry it's taking me so long. And I said, oh, don't worry, I've never used one of these before. And she was kind. And she gave me a quick rundown on what I needed to do.

[00:05:20.840]

Now, here's the thing. I do not understand why I always feel such anxiety when approaching something like this. The first time I ever pumped my own gas, I felt this way going to an unfamiliar gas station. I feel the same way. The instructions on these machines are so simple that once you've used one, you're pretty much set to go anywhere else. There might be slight differences. The card reader might be located somewhere else. It takes just a few seconds to figure things out.

[00:05:51.260]

And I know this, but yet I still feel that anxiety around it. So if you feel the same type of anxiety, trust that you are smart enough to be able to figure it out, please don't let these things hold you back, feel the discomfort and just allow yourself to grow through the experience. OK, so I got my parking ticket or the little slip to put on my windshield and I walked the half a block to the then you walked in and to my right there was this crowd of people.

[00:06:22.790]

It was crowded and they all talking and drinking coffee and I'm thinking know scary to my left was where they had the registration tables. I gave my name, signed in, filled out a name tag. And it was very cool because on the name tag you wrote your name and then it had a statement or question, I want to quit blank. And it was a conversation starter and I thought that was brilliant. I've never experienced that at one of these events before.

[00:06:50.780]

Apparently a very common answer was worrying. And it's kind of funny that on this morning when I was worrying about everything, the drive, the parking, the finding, the venue meeting, people worry was not my answer. My answer was eating unconsciously, but learning that the common answer was worry was a great conversation starter, because just that morning on my five mile walk, I had heard the quote that worry is worshiping at the altar of your problems.

[00:07:23.600]

And I was able to share that three minutes inside the door and I was able to talk with someone and share something new that I had learned that morning. So I thought that was pretty flipping cool. Now, I could have gone over to where all of the people were talking and drinking coffee, and that really wasn't feeling comfortable for me. I was definitely uncomfortable. So I went immediately into the auditorium. I sat in a center seat in a center row, and a few minutes later a woman came in and she sat beside me.

[00:07:53.780]

We started talking. I told her how uncomfortable I was. She gave me her own networking advice. And it was funny because what she suggested is exactly what I had done. My goal for the day was to show up and just talk to one person. The conversation about worry, that was my one conversation. So here I was having two. And then another woman sat on my other side and I talked with her for a few minutes. The presentation delivered was amazing.

[00:08:23.360]

It was powerful. And I am so glad that I attended just to hear her story. As soon as the event was over, I lickety split, hightailed it out there, got back to my car, set my GPS up for home, and then just started driving home. And my reward for this successful morning was that I saw two deer on the side of the highway as I was driving home, and this was about ten, fifteen, ten, thirty in the morning, which is not that common.

[00:08:53.600]

So overall, it was really an amazing experience for me. I do plan to keep going back each month, putting myself out there, getting out of my comfort zone, hearing people's stories, meeting new people in real life and just seeing how it goes. I'm releasing the anxiety, the nervousness of these social situations so that I can feel more comfortable in them. I feel like that's part of my journey. And here's kind of the crazy thing. I feel like this is part of my journey as a human being, experiencing her potential.

[00:09:30.980]

I don't feel like this is part of my journey to build a business, which is weird because when I first started thinking about networking events, I started thinking in terms of building a business. But this is a thought that I have recently decided to release. And it's funny because I think I set myself up to get myself kicked out of the Cool Kids Club. I may have talked about this opportunity. I'm. Not sure if I did in a podcast episode or not, but basically one of my favorite Facebook groups, the woman was shutting it down as a free group and she was turning it into a paid monthly membership group.

[00:10:12.570]

And her specialty is helping coaches and and small business owners and solo partners really hone in on their messaging so that they can find and serve the people that they want to serve. More than a handful of the people that were very active in her free group were going to join this paid membership group, even though I don't consider myself a coach, don't want that label. And even though I hem and haw about the word business and entrepreneur, which I have stated many times in the free group, I decided to join her paid group.

[00:10:49.920]

And I think it was as much because these were the cool kids. These were women that were doing things that part of me wanted to do. But part of me looked at what they were doing and said, you know, I really don't know that I want to do that. And I can say fairly confidently there's always the possibility that my brain is playing tricks on me. But I can say fairly confidently that it wasn't because I wasn't feeling capable of doing what they were doing.

[00:11:17.970]

It really was that that wasn't the path I wanted to travel. So we're like 10 days into this group and we have a Facebook group and someone posts that she's feeling really frustrated. She had just opened up a new membership herself. No one was interested in it or of a handful of people that expressed interest. Only one person actually made a commitment to do it. And she was feeling pretty disgusted and discouraged and she shared this in the group. Now, this is one of the things that one of the purposes of the group was for us to be open and honest completely about where we were in our entrepreneurial journey in our businesses.

[00:12:01.560]

And so this one woman, she expressed that she was having doubts and she was kind of feeling really frustrated and discouraged. And in response to her, I posted that one of my challenges is that I really get triggered by the word business and entrepreneur. They just push my buttons. They just feel like so much pressure to me. It's why I call what I'm doing a whatever venture. It's more than an expensive hobby to me. It's part of my heart.

[00:12:33.540]

It's part of who I am. It's part of what I should be doing here on this planet. But I don't like the word. I don't like calling it a business. I don't like calling myself a coach, even though other people may look at me that way. So I made the statement something like, I wish I had the original post, but I made the statement something like, you know, I don't want to worry about what clients and my audience are thinking and what they want and need.

[00:13:00.840]

Sorry, folks, but this is my truth. I don't want to worry about what you need. I want to share what I feel the need to share to express this whatever venture is all about me. And if you can benefit from it, hallelujah, then something has been accomplished, something magical. I want to create what I want to create, what I know about what I'm excited about, what I've learned about. I want to keep sharing, what I keep learning because it's just amazing.

[00:13:32.580]

And so many people don't know about this stuff. But I don't want it to be formulaic and I don't want to have to look at the latest trends and do all of this research to find out what is it my audience needs today. Know you are probably going through the same crap that I'm going through. And if it's something that I'm learning that's helping me, chances are good it's going to help you, too. What is wrong with using that approach?

[00:13:59.820]

So one of the big tenants, the rules of owning a business, of running a business is find your audience, find out their problems, what they need, what they think they need and deliver that to them. Well, that's not how I am. That feels like too much work for me. That feels like me trying to solve your problems when I believe that you know your problems and you know the answers to your problems, but you are just hesitant to take the steps to resolve them.

[00:14:34.710]

And those are the messages that I share every week on this podcast. Those are the things I discuss in the courses that I've created. That's what I talk about in Walk with Me. So I made kind of the sarcastic comment because every once in a while in her free group, this woman would ask, OK, what's the latest proner people have taken entrepeneur. Or and they've become mompreneur, nurture pruners, boss lady prisoners and all of these different prisoners.

[00:15:06.850]

And so as I wrote this post, I said I am a hope prisoner. I believe that if I build it, they will come. My expectation when I wrote that post was that someone would laugh about the whole proner line, that someone would offer some words of support and encouragement. But what happened was that the leader of the group, she sent me an email that said the purpose of this group is to support women who are pursuing success as entrepreneurs.

[00:15:41.730]

And supporting that goal is the entire concept of my group. And I am sharing my hard won expertize to make that happen. As the concepts of business and entrepreneurship trigger you, I don't know how we can support you nor how you can support the women in the group. Both of those are an essential part of the success team that I have created. That's a quote. So I got kicked out of the Cool Kids Club and as soon as that happened, as soon as I received her email, in fact I received a refund email from the payment processor before I received this email from her.

[00:16:22.230]

And I adore this woman and I think she does an amazing job. And my response to her was, fair enough, good luck with the group, because part of me wonders if I was self sabotaging in that moment when I expressed myself so freely, so clearly. But again, this is stuff that I have said before in her free group. So I didn't expect to get booted because of the comment. And I'll be honest and say that it hurt somewhat that I got booted because of that comment.

[00:16:51.940]

I totally get where she's coming from. This is a brand new group. She doesn't need Donna Downers in her group. But it was hurtful when she said that she didn't see how I could support the women in the group because I had been supporting women in the free group for about, I think, over a year. And the thing that hurt the most, I think, was that she did this without reaching out to me to say, hey, Donna, what's going on?

[00:17:18.390]

Did you mean that? Do you really want to be part of this group? But no, she just made the decision. And the thing that hurts even more than that is in the free group, she would boot people out of the group if they were being spammy. If they were being unkind, she would boot people out of the group. And the thing that always bothered me was that she would ridicule and they would always be a public statement about someone getting booted out.

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And so part of me, the ego part of me was saying, well, I wonder what she's saying about me. And there was only one member in this group that I felt compelled, that I felt close enough on a personal level to reach out and say, hey, just so you know, I got booted out of the group because of my comment. So if you wonder where I went to, that's where I went. But I have to share with you that it was very freeing.

[00:18:09.930]

And it reminded me and it clarified for me that I don't want to follow the coaching career path with my whatever venture. It reminded me that I don't want to follow the standard method for reaching people. It reminded me that I want my whatever venture to be free flowing and I want it to be easy. So when that happened, it made me really think, what do I need to release again? Release was my word, my my lens for the world from around October or November of last year, up until now and in the last couple of weeks since this happened in mid-July, I've been thinking, what else do I need to release?

[00:18:55.500]

What do I need to release? What do I need to release? And it finally occurred to me just a couple of days ago, I need to release any attachment to having a business, to identifying as an entrepreneur, because I really don't identify with either one of those I identify as a creator. I love creating this podcast, sharing the ideas that I have. I love writing. I love creating videos. I love creating the courses that I've developed.

[00:19:28.260]

And would it be nice to generate an income from this which would be called a business? Sure. Heck, yeah, that would be wonderful. But it's not my driving energy. I like to create things and put them out in the world. In fact, I create things and then I forget that I've created them. I self published my book Glow in 2003 and I sometimes forget that I wrote a book. I forget that it's out there. I am so proud of that book.

[00:19:57.480]

I love it. I love the. Stories in it, but it isn't something I focus on every day, it's something I don't think about most days. In fact, sometimes people will remind me that I wrote a book and it's like I had totally forgotten. It's like what? I wrote a book. Oh, yeah, I did write a book. Self published a second one, too. It's the creation process that excites me. And so I have made a decision to release this idea, this thought that I needed to create a business out of this.

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Instead, I can just continue pursuing this, whatever venture, this build it and they will come dream. And I do believe that if I build it, people will come. I look at the number of downloads I've had for this podcast, and it's amazing because I don't know that many people. And so some of you are total strangers to me. Hello out there. I don't know who you are. Send me an email. I'd love to meet you.

[00:20:57.750]

So I believe in what I'm doing and putting the restrictions, the harnesses of business and entrepreneurship onto me was so limiting. And so I've released that yesterday. Oh, my gosh. This was kind of scary because I've purchased many courses for self development, for business, business development, and I have no regrets about any of those purchases because I've learned skills that I wanted to learn, things I needed to learn. But they're so focused on the business part in the generating income, in the building your subscriber list and all of this that comes with an online business.

[00:21:36.600]

And that just isn't for me. Now, most of these programs have Facebook groups that go along with them. Not that the course creators are extremely active in these groups, but their community support, asking each other for feedback, asking questions, where to find information in the courses. And I have stayed faithful to all of these Facebook groups. I have stayed active in them. I keep checking them. And it occurred to me, oh, my gosh, how much time and energy am I spending looking at these things that really don't call to me, but I paid the money for the courses.

[00:22:12.480]

Why would I give up the Facebook group? Well, yesterday I did it. I left all of those groups. I went from participating in probably 40 or 50 groups. Now, some of them were free groups with four for support products and stuff. But I left 40 or 50 Facebook groups yesterday. Oh, my gosh. The feeling of relief as I released my ties to those groups. And I immediately felt that sense of ease. And yes, ease is the new word that seems to be calling to me.

[00:22:47.700]

And it's kind of funny how ease is the last four letters of the word release, release something and transition into ease. And that's where I'm going over these coming months. I can I'm pretty confident that that word will be latching on to me. And I'll start to look at everything through the lens of how can I feel at ease with this, with this learning, with this process, with this frustration, how can I make things easier and not just easier, as in simpler, but so that I feel that sense of ease, that relaxing into things, going with the flow, letting the tides take me where they will and knowing that I'm going exactly where I need to go.

[00:23:34.530]

So one thing I am going to start doing now that I don't have to focus on the not productive energy I was feeling of trying to build a business, but instead focus on myself as the creator is to start creating more the videos that I want to create, the writing that I want to do, and the courses I want to create. And everything is going to be available within my Walk with Me program that is going to be my hub. And I'm just going to trust that the people that need that information will check out, walk with me and they'll decide to walk with me.

[00:24:11.520]

And if not, that's OK too, because for me it's all in the creation of these products, these courses. So I am so excited, feeling so relieved that I have released enough baggage that I can start to move into that place of ease in my life within my whatever venture, so that I stop putting unnecessary pressure on myself to perform in a game that I don't really want to play. Now that I've reached this point of clarity, it feels so obvious.

[00:24:46.980]

It feels like Donna, Donna, don't you know Trix are for kids and I feel so silly that it's taken so long, but I only allow those thoughts to linger for just a few. Seconds while I smile at myself, because I really believe no shame, no blame, this has all been part of my journey. It's my self discovery. And you just never know what it's going to take to really make a lesson sinkin. And so this struggle that I've been having over the past six or eight months with my dislike of Facebook by wanting to separate from Facebook because it was taking up so much of my time and my energy when I left those business focused groups, I immediately felt like, ha, I can just be a Facebook user again.

[00:25:38.900]

I felt almost immediately like the ties that are Facebook were released from me because there's no ulterior motive now for me to access that app. I can just go there, laugh at the cute puppy and kiddy pictures, smile at the pictures that my friends post, read about the hiking exploits of people in Maine, in New Hampshire. And I don't have to be thinking all the time about a business that I don't want. So this has been really exciting for me.

[00:26:12.440]

But I don't want this to be all about me. Even though I said earlier, it is all about me. It is all about me. But you know what? So much of what I have going on applies to you. So here is your challenge for the week. Two things I want you to think back to January. Did you pick a word, one word to use as a filter, as a lens for looking at your life? If you did, when was the last time you thought about it, that you considered it, that you wore that word as you looked at the world, if it's been a little while, I encourage you to dust it off, you know, take a microfiber cloth to it, get it nice and clean, and start looking at the world through that lens.

[00:26:58.250]

It is a powerful exercise. It's a powerful practice. Number two, are there things in your world, in your life right now that you're doing that you feel like you should be doing, but they don't quite feel like they're right for you? And how can you correct that? What action can you take to release yourself from that situation, that action, that expectation, and allow yourself to ease into a different version of what you want to accomplish?

[00:27:32.900]

There are so many ways to get things done. There is another way. If the way you're trying doesn't feel right, take it from someone who has so much hope and who believes that if you build it, they will come. Whatever your venture is, I challenge you to make it your own. Hey there, it's Donna. If you're listening to this outro, it means I have good news and bad news for you. The bad news is that I'm no longer recording new episodes of this podcast.

[00:28:07.610]

The good news is that all 165 episodes will remain available to you while creating this podcast has been an amazing adventure. I feel like the lessons have been learned and my quest has been completed. And my heart, it's telling me it's time to move on to something new, something different, and maybe something that's even more challenging. So now, while my heart tells me to get ready for my next adventure, I'm resisting it. I don't feel ready.

[00:28:40.190]

So what I'm going to do is take some time to organize all of the self development materials I've created over the past several decades. I'm going to put them into an online library of sorts. And who knows, maybe the answers I'm looking for will be found in the content that I created decades ago. Imagine that messages that impacted my life's journey way back then. They might impact my life's journey once again. And at the very least, I will have cleaned out and organized my computer files and created this online library that will allow people access to most of my self development materials.

[00:29:19.280]

If you want to learn more about this library or just find out what I'm up to now, drop by my website, Dorna, Doyon, Dotcom, or visit and remember. Enjoying every adventure that's the secret to living happily ever after. The music for this podcast is Drifting Upstream by Hyson.


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Show Notes:

Way back in January I shared the story about and behind my One Word. You can listen to that episode here: Ep107: Choosing One Word as a Lens to Your World.

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The music for this podcast is Drifting Upstream by Hyson. The music was slightly remixed and fit to needed duration.
License: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0

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