The toilet paper battle raged in Donna's home. After being caught tissue-less, she challenged her rogue/paladin partner to pick one of two "crimes" against clean bottoms.
You decide which charge was the lesser of two negatives. Or if there was a third consideration--one that wasn't a "crime" at all.
Note: This is a computer-generated transcript. That means it's pretty good, but not perfect. If you read something weird or confusing, first laugh, then use the time stamp to hop into the podcast to find out what I REALLY said. 🙂
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Welcome to another episode of Reflections of a Recovering Ugly Duckling, a podcast dedicated to helping you discover and develop your full potential as a unique individual.
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Each week I'll share my experience.
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Experiences, challenges, doubts and fears, as well as the lessons I've learned that keep me moving forward toward my dreams.
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This is Episode 55, and I'm your host, Donna Doyon. Once upon a time, there was a lovely 54 year old woman. She lived in a small condo with a man who had a roguish side and yet some paladinlike traits as well. Most days her head spun as she tried to determine why she even liked this man. Her confusion was evident each time she asked the question, how do we even work as a couple? You see, he knew exactly which buttons to push to infuriate her. He knew exactly which ones to push to make her squeal with joy. Most days he treated her like a Princess, and other days he treated her well. He treated her like she didn't exist. Ok, that last characterization isn't honest or fair, and it's a bit melodramatic for this tale, so you'll have to decide how he treated her once you've heard the story. Once upon a time, there was a lovely 54 year old woman who experienced the relief of regular bowel movements. In her mind, she claimed the title of Pooping machine. She pooped in the morning, she pooped at midday, she pooped in the afternoon, and even in the evening.
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When her rogue Paladin asked her what she was doing in the bathroom, her response was a heartfelt, I be pooping. Because of her proclivity for bowel evacuation, she was a connoisseur of toilet tissue. She preferred Charmin Ultrasoft in the blue package, she loathed the single ply Scot toilet tissue, which her rogue palette in preferred. She mockingly referred to it as no ply toilet paper. She was, however, aware of and sympathetic to the budgetary plight of her rogue Paladin partner, and so she may do with lesser brands of toilet tissue when it was his turn to purchase this basic home supply. She would, however, move the lesser brand to the downstairs bathroom because that was not her bathroom of choice for enjoying her daily movements. But on occasion, such as cold winter mornings when the outside temperatures were below zero and the unheated upstairs bathroom was frigidly frigid, she would bask in the notquite comfortable warmth of the downstairs bathroom. With the door slightly ajar. She listened to the morning news, anticipating the start of the weather report this particular morning. She was especially interested in the weather. A snowstorm was brewing the previous evening. The meteorologist hadn't even dared guess at the snowfall amounts.
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She was anxious to see if her morning meteorologist would give her numbers. She heard the music for the weather segment. She reached for toilet paper to wipe away. Well, you know what she was wiping away. She pulled off one sheet, one square of toilet paper that had been left clinging to the cardboard tube. She sighed, and then she asked herself, Why do I like my rogue Paladin? She reached under the vanity for a fresh roll of toilet paper. None. Her roguish man had left her stranded with nothing to wipe her squishy but delicate bottom. Was she a Princess on a porcelain throne or was she a victim of unfortunate happenstance or was it something else? You decide. So, yes, today we're going to talk about toilet tissue, and I have had so many instances of toilet tissue not being replaced in the workplace, at home, and of course, we've all experienced it in public restrooms. What is a person to do? Well, this morning I challenged Dural to answer the question, Are you just inconsiderate or are you just lazy? And he looked at me and he said, well, you don't usually use the downstairs bathroom.
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I beg to differ on that deer. Yes, I do use the downstairs one. And why didn't you go upstairs to get another Role if we were out downstairs? Well, I just forgot meant to do it. Yeah, we've all heard those mutterings before. Almost called them excuses. I think I like mutterings better for those times when we know that we screwed up. We did something wrong, we inconvenience someone else, and it was 100% our fault. Well, in this case, it was 100% Earl's fault. You see, I love to have an abundance of toilet paper on hand. I will always have extras, and in fact, I have quite a few rolls of single ply toilet paper that the previous owners had left here not going to touch my butt if I can avoid it, but in that rare situation where we might actually need it, we have it on hand. However, there was plenty of toilet paper in the upstairs bathroom that Earl could have brought downstairs, but it just slipped his mind. He got distracted when he left the bathroom, and I can understand that. However, was he being inconsiderate or lazy or something else? And I'll give him the benefit of the doubt and say that it was something else.
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There are times when all of us fall into that role of doing something that it's just inconsiderate or we're lazy. And while I'm willing to cut him some slack and say that he just got distracted, he just forgot. There's also something about being considerate enough to make sure that things are set up to take care of the next person, whether it's at the bathroom or not, leaving that little gulp of milk left in the milk container in the refrigerator. Which is funny, that actually happened over the weekend. And I said, Earl, why did you bother to save this? And his reply was very valid. He said, that's enough for me to put in my coffee in the morning. Okay, I can give you that. But I was the next one using the milk and it wasn't enough for me to really do anything. So I opened the new container and yes, I did use that last little gulp in my cereal. So sometimes I wonder if we just take things for granted. I am always forward thinking. I'm logical, I plan things out. I notice when common staples at home are running low, whether it's soap or shampoo or toothpaste or dish soap, laundry soap, the list goes on and on and on and I always purchase replacements before we run out.
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That's the way my brain works. In fact, in the pastoral has told me, Well, I can't buy things because you don't let them run out. Hello. These are things we use every day or every couple of days. Why would I want it to run out? But his thought process is different. He buys things when things run out. Why buy it before? So we have that? Yes, this is one of those things of why do we work? How can we possibly work as a couple? Because we think so differently. And I get frustrated with him sometimes because I am always the one purchasing these staples. But on some level I can understand it's just not the way his brain works. And so it's very easy and simplistic for me to accuse him of being inconsiderate or lazy, but it's just the way that he is. And for him, he's not being inconsiderate. He's not being lazy. The next time he went to use that bathroom, he would get toilet tissue from upstairs and I think he probably would be caught without but guys go into the bathroom and most of the time they're not having to use toilet tissue.
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So yeah, ladies, you've heard this story before, right? You've experienced this. This isn't just me. I hope so anyway. But the question that I have been mulling all day has been which of the two negatives would you want to claim if you were in that situation? And like I said, I charged Earl with okay, so are you inconsiderate or lazy? Which one do you want to be? Because I don't see a third option. And of course, as I've come through the day, I've calmed down very quickly. But he did hear it until he left for work this morning. But sometimes the choice for our actions to define or defend our actions, the only options are negative ones. And then which one do you choose? So in this case, if he's inconsiderate, well, who wants to be with someone who is inconsiderate of their needs? Certainly not me. If this were an ongoing situation and granted, we've lived together for about three years now, this is the first time this has ever happened. But once something happens once, then you start to think, when will it happen again? Do I need to be on my guard?
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Do I have to always be aware and not take for granted that he's going to check to make sure that there's more toilet paper under the sink. And rather than working as a team, I feel like I have become the monitor of supplies again. And even though that is my natural inclination because of my abundance approach to toilet paper, the fact that this one got away from me, I feel like I dropped the ball. But at the same time, where does the responsibility lie for making sure that supplies are there? Granted, he could say, you always take care of it, but I'm currently starting my own business. I don't have a steady income, so I'm constantly watching what I'm spending. So why wouldn't you help pick up some of the slack on these staples around the house? So this can go all sorts of different ways. And I tend to think more that he's just lazy. He doesn't put things away, he's disorganized and he's cluttered. And so then I think about the lazy aspect of it. How much effort would it have taken for him to finish using the bathroom, go upstairs, get a new role and bring it down?
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But it still wouldn't have solved the problem that when that role runs out, then there would be no more under the counter. So I think what ultimately annoyed me the most in this situation is the fact that I feel like I dropped the ball because I was not aware that we were out of toilet paper in the downstairs bathroom. And that's kind of sad that I feel like I have to take that ownership for the basic supplies in our home. But yet, if I don't want to have a problem like I did today, and it's only been recently that I've stopped kind of monitoring the supplies because I'm building my own business, and so I don't have the extra cash on hand to stock up on the supplies like I did in the past. And so I guess note to self is to be more aware of this, to take care of my own needs. Which again, it goes back to that gosh, gosh, darn it, why does it always fall on me to take care of these supplies? And is it inconsiderate or lazy of Earl not to even bring it to my attention, which he knows that I would say, well, feel free to stop at the grocery store on your way home and pick up some toilet paper or pick up some other supplies that we need.
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And it's not that we were totally out of toilet paper because we still had some upstairs. So I stood over this a little bit because I feel like he let me down. I feel like he wasn't my partner in this situation. He didn't make sure that what I would need would be in place. And I know it sounds ridiculously silly because we're talking about toilet paper here, but it is one of those things that has become a necessity in our lives, and it's something that we somewhat pamper ourselves with perhaps. I know even in the workplace and in public restrooms, there are so many times when you go in and there's no toilet tissue where there's no paper towels. This was very common in several workplaces that I was at. Several times a week I would be in the ladies room where I would hear someone complaining about one of the stalls being empty of toilet paper. And so you just go grab a roll of toilet paper and you install it and you make sure that people are set. But it got to be so annoying for some people that just based on principles, they were not going to change out the toilet tissue anymore because no one else was doing it.
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It's like, okay, that's pretty uncomfortable going into any stall any time of the day and not being able to take care of your personal hygiene. So this is my toilet paper rant. I have not done one of these before, but hopefully the whole idea of whether you or someone you know is being inconsiderate or lazy, if you've charged them with that or if you have been charged with that, I would offer these tips. Number one, if you are the perfect person who never fails to change out the toilet tissue or you never run out of supplies, then when someone fails to provide that same level of service, whether in the home or the workplace, instead of calling them or considering them inconsiderate or lazy, try to give them the benefit of the doubt. Take a look at the person and see if this is just kind of the way they are. I can say for Earl, this is the way he is. He lives in the moment, doesn't think much about the future, and it's a great trait that he has. That's one of the things that helps to balance me out because I am so forward thinking.
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Sometimes I fail to relax and enjoy the moment because I'm always looking forward. That can be a very positive trait. It can be inconvenient at times. It can be a little messy at times, but things will work out. And he always has that constant trust that things will work out. And that's one of my shortcomings because I like to plan. I like to plan things to death. I like to have a plan, A, plan B, and a plan Z. We're going to get things done. Now, whether someone is lazy or not, again, this is looking at patterns. If it's a one time thing, then it's a one time thing. They got distracted, they forgot. Now if it's a consistent behavior, that's when you have to start thinking, Is this okay with me? Is this something I can live with? Because if it's not, it's something that you may need to really reevaluate the strength of your relationship. If it's not something you can live with moving forward, then it may be time to set boundaries. It may be time to set limits. Nagging someone is not going to make it a joyful way for them to change their behavior.
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They are who they are. They don't see the value in taking that action. Whatever it is that you do, trying to force them to change is not going to be a healthy relationship. Now, if you're the person on the receiving end, if someone has charged you with being inconsiderate or lazy, really take some time to evaluate whether there's truth to those words. If someone were being inconsiderate, that's intentional. If Earl had intentionally left the toilet paper roll empty, he was aware that there was no more under the cabinet. If he had done those things, that's a sign of poor respect in a relationship. It's not healthy in a relationship because you're going out of your way to make things difficult for the other person. And whether this is in the workplace or in your personal life, with your family, with friends, if you are being inconsiderate intentionally going out of your way to make things harder for someone else, I would encourage you. I'm going to challenge you and not with a fun, whimsical, smiley challenge, but I'm going to challenge you to change your ways. If you want to have meaningful relationships and you are intentionally making people's life more difficult, you will never feel the satisfaction and the joy of a fulfilling relationship because people aren't going to put up with it.
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They are going to get tired of it. They are going to resent you for it. And finally, they're just going to cut you out of their life. So if that's what you want, then continue. But if you're being inconsiderate, start to ask yourself, Why am I feeling this way? Why am I behaving this way? Because there's a reason. And if someone has been belittling you or just making you feel like you need to pay them back somehow, there's definitely an imbalance in that relationship, and you need to figure that out. And you need to work on resolving that so that you are equals and so that you can move forward working together rather than working against each other. Now, if someone has charged you with being lazy and you feel like you are not lazy, you just got distracted. You have other options, other opportunities, other choices. That's also something for you to look at and consider whether or not that's accurate. Are you just waiting for someone else to do the job? Because if you are, that falls into inconsiderate as well. And waiting for someone else to keep doing the work, that takes away your power.
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It takes away your feelings of contribution. And you may think short term, yeah, well, I got out of shoveling. People aren't looking at you with a sense of, wow, there's a great person. Look at them, always helping. No, they're saying, what a slacker. And if you want to be held in high esteem, you may have to work a little bit harder at it because, yes, it can be very easy to be lazy. And there are things that we don't want to do over the course of a day, over the course of a season. But there are still some things that need to get done. And so I challenge you to be the first person out there doing something that needs to get fixed, doing the job that needs to get done. Don't let anyone tag you as being lazy, because the payoff is having closer relationships, having people look up to you. And yes, I know you're probably worried that some people are going to be saying, well, if I do this, they're going to ask me to do more. That's possible. And it's probably true. But there's this great sense of satisfaction of helping people out and being part of a team.
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And then there's the little benefit of the reciprocal principle, which States that if I help you, you kind of feel like you owe me something. And so that can always be a nice little feeling. Not that we want to load that over someone's head, but there's a little sense that, okay, if I needed help, I could reach out and I could ask someone for help because I've helped them in the past. It's that give and take. Some days, some years, we give a lot more than we take, and other years we need to ask and we need to take more than we give. It's all a balance. But if you're never helping anyone else, people will be less inclined to actively help you when you need it. And that's unfortunate. So we all have our challenges for how we look at each other, how we respect and respond to each other. The final message I would like to share, and I guess this kind of after all of this rambling, this kind of sums it up for me. We have to be very careful in life not to take anything for granted. So today I shouldn't have taken for granted that there was toilet paper on the roll and that there was a replacement roll under the sink.
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Likewise, Earl shouldn't take for granted that I'm going to look for that, and he should have taken care of it and brought a new toilet paper roll down. And Earl took for granted that he would be the next one using the bathroom. And it's when we start taking things for granted that things get missed, we stop paying attention to the details that are important. We stop taking care of each other. We stop treating each other like Princes and princesses, and we start treating each other as afterthoughts. In my story, I always want to be treated like a Princess because we all know that princesses live happily ever after. Hey, there, it's Donna. If you're listening to this outro.
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It means I have good news and bad news for you. The bad news is that I'm no longer recording new episodes of this podcast. The good news is that all 165 episodes will remain available to you. While creating this podcast has been an amazing adventure, I feel like the lessons have been learned and my quest has been completed in my heart. It's telling me it's time to move on to something new, something different and maybe something that's even more challenging. So now while my heart tells me to get ready for my next adventure, I'm resisting it. I don't feel ready. So what I'm going to do is take some time to organize all of the self development materials I've created over the past several decades. I'm going to put them into an online library of sorts and who knows, maybe the answer that I'm looking for will be found in the content that I created decades ago. Imagine that messages that impacted my life's journey way back then they might impact my life's journey once again and at the very least I will have cleaned out and organized my computer files and created this online library that will allow people access to most of my self development materials.
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If you want to learn more about this library or just find out what I'm up to now, drop by my website Donnadoyon.com for a visit and remember enjoying every adventure that's the secret to living happily Lee ever after. The music for this podcast is Drifting Upstream by Hyson.
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The music for this podcast is Drifting Upstream by Hyson. The music was slightly remixed and fit to needed duration.
License: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0