Donna Doyon
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  • Ep137: Inviting Myself to Grow

The people in your life impact the way you think, believe, feel, and act. These people are either helping you live up to your potential or holding you back. If you aren't progressing like you want, take an inventory of who you spend the most time with.

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Note: This is a computer-generated transcript. That means it's pretty good, but not perfect. If you read something weird or confusing, first laugh, then use the time stamp to hop into the podcast to find out what I REALLY said. 🙂

[00:00:02.930] - Speaker 1

Welcome to another episode of Finding My Way, a podcast dedicated to sharing the scattered thoughts and muddled musings of this 50 something year old woman. Each week, I'll share my experiences, challenges, doubts and fears as well as the lessons I've learned that keep me moving forward toward my dreams. And yes, this is the podcast that was formerly known as Reflections of a Recovering Ugly Duckling. This is episode 137, and I'm your host, Donna Doyon, recently. The Jim Roan quote about being the average of the five people you associate with most has been playing in my head.

[00:00:45.770] - Speaker 1

And that statement just makes me laugh, because if you've listened to my podcast, you know that there are always dozens of random things playing in my head. My brain is this mishmash of kind of like a Skittles machine. You never know what color or flavor is going to pop out our Skittles all the same flavor, or are they just different colors? I'm not quite sure. So this Jim Rohn quote that we are the average of the five people we associate with the most has been in my mind because I tend to be very secluded.

[00:01:18.960] - Speaker 1

I enjoy my time alone. I enjoy being alone. I don't have that many close friends or family members, so my scope of people I associate with is pretty limited. What I do have are the mentors and the magic that I find in books in podcast episodes. And I think from that perspective, I hang around with a really high quality group of people.

[00:01:45.000] - Speaker 1

Earl is super intelligent, and he challenges my mind, and he challenges me in so many ways. But I'm not going to go off on a rant on that topic because number one, it just brings me down. And so it's pointless. Number two, there are so many wonderful things about this man that to focus on the few that really drives me crazy. It just seems pointless.

[00:02:08.250] - Speaker 1

Why intentionally spoil something that's really wonderful? But don't tell him I said that. So this thought has been kind of going through my mind about who is in my circle of influence, who are the people that I rely on the most. And it really occurred to me months years ago that most of these people, it's very onesided. It's the podcasts I listen to, it's the books I read, and I feel like I'm ready.

[00:02:35.390] - Speaker 1

It's time. It's a necessary step for me to take to start being involved more in the two way process. Even this podcast I talk to you, but I hear back from very few of my listeners really enjoy hearing from my listeners. So I would love for you to drop me a line sometime. You can email me at Hello at

[00:02:55.850] - Speaker 1

I read and answer every email. So one of the things I have been doing to get out of my comfort zone to push myself a little bit more, is attend monthly Intuitive development workshops held by Barbara Fey. She is a spirit medium out of New Hampshire, and she holds these workshops at a nice little store, a yoga studio in Chapley, Maine. This past weekend, I attended her workshop, and the topic of it was overcoming fear to increase your intuition.

[00:03:27.360] - Speaker 1

As we were introducing herself, she invited us to share one of our fears. The fear that I shared was not living up to my potential. And I talked about the parable of the talents from the Christian Bible, where three servants were given different talents. And at the time, that was just money. But for me, just the significance of the word talent makes me think of our own unique abilities.

[00:03:50.640] - Speaker 1

So three servants were given talents different amounts. And at the end of the story, the two servants that had been given ten talents and then five talents. I don't remember the exact number. They doubled what they were given. And the servant that was given just one talent, he buried his in the sand, but he gave it back to the master when the master returned.

[00:04:13.490] - Speaker 1

Now the master was really pleased with the two that had doubled it. And you'd think, well, of course they doubled it. And the other one he was angry with because he hadn't even put this one talent into a bank to get interest. He just gave him back what he got. But the story, the significance of it.

[00:04:29.030] - Speaker 1

I've always felt like I have been given so many talents and squandering them. Not using them. Burying them in the sand is a heavy burden to carry, and I want to use them. But fear holds me back. And the other fear that I shared in this class in this workshop was my fear of new situations and meeting new people in those situations.

[00:04:53.170] - Speaker 1

It's really hard for me. I've always felt socially awkward. And even though I realized this is my own limiting belief, it's something I hold as my truth, and I know that I'm capable of moving beyond it. I still have that resistance to doing so. But I attend these monthly workshops, and I have enjoyed every single one of them and talking about this sense of needing to put myself out there to meet new people, to expand my circle of influencers, people who are influencing me so that I can lift myself to a higher level.

[00:05:30.190] - Speaker 1

Jim Rohn's quote is around the theory that when we look at the people that we surround ourselves with and I will even add into it the people that they surround themselves with. Take a quick look around your life regarding your weight. The people in your life that you spend the most time with probably have a very similar weight range. If you are at a healthy weight, more than likely, the people you spend most of your time with are at a healthier weight, there may be a few that are not, but the most will be at a healthy weight.

[00:06:02.560] - Speaker 1

And this is because when you get together and you spend time together, it's not focused on food.

[00:06:07.900] - Speaker 1

Likewise, if you are overweight, chances are the people that you spend the most time with are also overweight. Cigarette smokers fall into the same category because so many companies restrict where people are allowed to smoke the smokers. They just kind of congregate. These people may not even really like each other, but they become somewhat friends. They talk to each other when they're out on their breaks because they share that commonality of smoking.

[00:06:34.370] - Speaker 1

Now, sure, you may be the smoker, and you may say, wow, I really would rather take my break with Donna, but she's not going to stand out here in the smoke. So I guess I'll be sitting here with Susie Q. And having my cigarette, even though Susie queue is kind of a complainer, really don't like spending time with her. But hey, I have someone I can talk to while I'm smoking, and you surround yourself with people that you may not even really like, but fill that need for a cigarette.

[00:07:03.570] - Speaker 1

So I don't want to go off on too much of a tangent.

[00:07:05.770] - Speaker 1

But hopefully you understand what I'm saying. Look at yourself at the different aspects of your life and look at the people that have the greatest influences on what you're thinking, how you're feeling and the actions you are taking because it all matters. So what do you do when you look around at your circle and you realize, like me that it's all one way. I'm receiving a lot, but I'm not really giving a lot. There's not this back and forth exchange of ideas.

[00:07:35.630] - Speaker 1

I'm absorbing their ideas. I'm processing them and implementing them in my way. But I'm not having that benefit of bouncing ideas off someone that I see at a higher level than I am not better than me. This isn't about being better or thinking we're better than someone else. It's looking at someone and saying, Where are they on their journey?

[00:07:55.540] - Speaker 1

It's a path similar to the one I want to take. What can I learn from that person? And if it's a twoway availability conversation, that means that I can ask questions and I can hear what they have to say, and I can provide my oddball excuses and they can shoot them all down. I don't have to do the work of doing that myself all the time. They can help me see through my own BS a little bit faster.

[00:08:22.730] - Speaker 1

This is the type of relationship you want to build that you want to establish. So I really believe that in order for me to step up my game to be all that I'm supposed to be, it's time for me to really get out there and meet real live people. Step out of my comfort zone. So this Friday, I am stepping out of that comfort zone, and I'm attending a breakfast lecture type program. This will be my first time going.

[00:08:49.270] - Speaker 1

I learned about it a couple of, well, maybe just about a month ago, and so we'll see how it goes. It's called Creative Mornings, and it's in Portsmouth, New Hampshire. So it's about a 30 minutes drive for me. It's in the big city of Portsmouth, New Hampshire, for people not familiar with New England, Portsmouth, New Hampshire is not a big city, but it's unfamiliar to me, and that makes it scary. That makes my resistance go up.

[00:09:14.360] - Speaker 1

I always worry about parking, I worry about getting there, and those are the silly types of things that will keep me from getting myself out there. So I'm looking forward to it. But here's the thing. I can always look forward to these events until the day of the event, and that's when my anxiety about it and I'm really not a very anxious person. Social situations make me anxious again, going back to that always feeling socially awkward, uncomfortable, invisible.

[00:09:44.760] - Speaker 1

They're difficult for me to walk into. I'm always afraid that I will lose or forget the many tools that I've learned over the decades of how to deal with these situations. Recently, I did hear this brilliant idea for introverts in social settings is just ask someone if they have any pets people love, love, love, talking about their pets even more than their children. And that's one thing that I have learned over the years. All I have to do is ask a question and get someone to start talking.

[00:10:14.720] - Speaker 1

And then suddenly they think I am the best conversationalist in the world because so many people they don't really want to hear about me, they want to talk about themselves. What I need to do and work on is becoming more comfortable talking about myself so that people learn that I'm more than just an audience, that I am actually an active hero on my own journey. So I'm nervous. I'm excited, and I will try to remember to report back next week on how it went. But this is my attempt to expand my circle of influencers, meet people that can help me grow into the person that I need to be.

[00:10:55.250] - Speaker 1

I truly believe that life is all about either being a mentor or a mentee teacher or student. And so many times it's easier to feel somewhat smug or superior and confident in the teacher role, that we forget the curiosity and the excitement and the anticipation of being the student. So this week I encourage you. I invite you. I challenge you to look at the people in your life.

[00:11:22.850] - Speaker 1

Think about your own whatever venture, what it is you want to accomplish in this world, who you want to become, whether it's something simple or something big and bold. And think about the people in your life. The people you spend the most time with are these people people who are supporting you. Are they serving you and helping you to become the person that you need to be to accomplish what you want to accomplish. Jim Rohn also said, Set your goals big enough so that you have to grow into that you are excited about becoming the person it takes to achieve them, the people that are going to help you with your whatever venture, whether it's starting a business, whether it's starting a fitness program, whether it's running or walking, a five K race, whatever it is you want to do, there are people out there that have done it or there are people out there who haven't done it because you are so unique that you've come up with something that has not been done yet.

[00:12:24.620] - Speaker 1

You are one of the truly great innovators. There are people out there that will help you to grow your brain in such a way that you can creatively overcome anything that you don't currently know because you can't know it yet because it hasn't happened yet. It hasn't been invented yet. But there are people out in the world that can help you get there, but you may have to expand your circle in order to find these people. You may have to start talking about what it is you want to accomplish in order for these people to be able to find you, their ears to perk up at this creative morning's breakfast event.

[00:13:03.360] - Speaker 1

As you're talking with someone else, someone over here is this tidbit of conversation and butts into the conversation and says, hey, I just heard you talking about blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. That sounds fascinating. This is what I know about it, and these things can happen. Just think of how many times you've been having just a random conversation. It may be about a movie or a book and someone overhears a tidbit and they interrupt the conversation and they join the conversation.

[00:13:30.460] - Speaker 1

That may be the break that we need that you need that I need something else to think about is if there's a specific area of your life that you want to change and mix it up, it could be anything. It could be your relationships, your physical health, your mindset, even your athleticism. When I was making my notes for this episode, I remembered Danny Zuko from the movie Grease, and he wants to change. He wants to get Sandy, but Sandy likes the nice boys. She deserves a good boy.

[00:14:01.820] - Speaker 1

And he was, I don't remember their name, but he was a Greaser type of guy. And then Danny decided, okay, he was going to become an athlete. And it was so funny. The different team sports he tried, and he tried wrestling, and then he just kind of got physically aggressive with the opponent. But then he kept trying.

[00:14:20.800] - Speaker 1

He kept looking for something because his whatever venture to win over Sandy, it was strong enough for him to change and keep looking. And with the help of Coach Muldoon something. But with the help of his coach, finally, they realized Danny Zuko was built for track. And he lettered in track. And I love the scene in the movie where he's at the end of the movie and he's walking across the fairground parking lot area and his buddies come over and say, hey, Where'd you steal that Letterman sweater?

[00:14:51.370] - Speaker 1

And Danny Zuko says, hey, while you guys were stealing hubcaps, I was out lettering in track. You know, that took time. It took effort. It took weekend track races. So Danny had to separate himself from his friends in order to accomplish that Letterman sweater.

[00:15:09.400] - Speaker 1

He didn't lose his friends, but he just needed to expand his circle of influencers, the people he associated with so that he could accomplish something that he really wanted. Which also reminds me to remind you that people come and go in our lives and we don't have to hold on to our current associations. Sometimes they're no longer serving us. Sometimes friendships become comfortable, familiar. And the thing that brought these two people together originally may no longer be the circumstances, but it becomes a habit.

[00:15:44.320] - Speaker 1

Perhaps you always spend your breaks together at work. Perhaps you meet every Tuesday morning for breakfast or coffee. There are routines and habits that we get into with our friends, and sometimes we know that we've outgrown them. But we're worried that we will hurt the other person's feelings if we start to pull back. If we start to say instead of getting together every Tuesday morning because we're rehashing the same old drama, instead of addressing that and having an adult conversation, we just keep going through the cycles.

[00:16:16.300] - Speaker 1

The friendship starts to break down, but neither person wants to admit it. Sometimes the best gift you can give to both of you is to address the topic and free both of you from a friendship, a relationship that's not quite serving you as it once did. When you do this, it allows other people to come into your life. It allows you to step into other people's lives. If there are people who are draining your energy with their drama, their opinions, this is a perfect opportunity to start pulling back from them.

[00:16:48.820] - Speaker 1

Start looking at the people you surround yourself with and increase that average of people who are moving toward their dreams, who are embarking on their own, whatever ventures, people who are taking the steps and the risks, and they're doing something that's scary to them. They're seeing those fears, and they're saying, I recognize it as a fear, and I recognize that it's probably not valid. It's probably all in my head. All I need to do is change my feelings about that thought. And instead of saying it's too scary, I can't do it, saying it's scary, and I can do it and then taking action, proving yourself wrong, proving the fear wrong, knowing that the worst thing that can happen is that you might feel a little embarrassed, a little disappointed.

[00:17:40.710] - Speaker 1

Well, I'm sure you've been embarrassed or disappointed before, and you've survived it. You got over it. Now it may be even one of your funniest stories that you tell when we realize that a feeling is pretty much the worst thing that can happen. We can get through it. It's okay.

[00:17:56.980] - Speaker 1

We can move on. We can move forward. Another thing I want you to think about is when you're looking at your group of friends, the people you spend the most time with. Be aware of where you fall in the grouping. This is where I was talking about the mentor mentee thing from my perspective.

[00:18:16.210] - Speaker 1

Ideally, for me, of the five people that I associate with most, I want to be right in the middle. I want to fit into that group as someone that some people look up to and say, wow, I want to do what she's doing. Donna, can you help me? And then I also want to have people in my sphere who are people that I look at. And I say, wow, I want to do that.

[00:18:39.520] - Speaker 1

Can you help me so that I'm serving a balance of the mentor mentee? As I'm learning new things from my mentors, I can pass that information onto my mentees as I implement it and make that new information my own, my own stories, my own successes, my own challenges, perhaps even my own failures. Well, my mentor said to do this, and you know what? I gave it a try. Gave it a really good shot.

[00:19:07.740] - Speaker 1

It didn't work for me, but that doesn't mean that it wasn't valid. So it might work for you. But here's what I learned about myself when I tried. Not every piece of advice is going to work for every individual. We are individual.

[00:19:22.380] - Speaker 1

We are different. But that's the beauty of having more people, more influencer, more influencers in our lives. We get that broader range of ideas. We get a new way of looking at our own limitations and our own choices, what we're thinking, what we're feeling, what we're doing and making different decisions. I mentioned in my episode on my Whatever Venture when I was talking about my Walk with Me membership, I talked about an affirmation I have been writing for the past many months.

[00:19:55.500] - Speaker 1

I think I started it in April or May is that I want 300 people walking with me every month, and that seems so impossible. So in order for me to achieve that, I need to be sure that the people I'm hanging around with are people who are going to tell me, Donna, why are you thinking so small? Why are you thinking only 300 members? Why aren't you thinking 1000? Isn't that scary?

[00:20:22.350] - Speaker 1

That's very scary, because I'm not even at 300 yet. I'm not even at ten yet. That's why we need people who will help us level up people who dare to think bigger and dream bigger than we are willing to dream for ourselves. And this is just a perfect segue. I do have my walk With Me program.

[00:20:42.560] - Speaker 1

It's somewhat of an extension of this podcast. Similar topics you'll receive every week and the opportunity to start that two way communication. You listen to the message, and then you can email me. Or there's this new app that I just discovered called Marco Polo that I'm going to offer out to members so that we can do video chats, but it's kind of like a walkietalkie, so it doesn't have to be real time. I'm really excited about that because I think it will be easier for everyone.

[00:21:10.220] - Speaker 1

We're just spur of the moment. You can send me a Marco Polo message that says, hey, Donna, I was just listening to your message on Mindset, and I'm not sure what you mean by this, and then I can do a quick video response to you to clarify. So it's going to open that two way communication between us. So I'm really excited about that added feature. In the past, it's always been email exchanges, which can be a little bit more time consuming as well as a little bit less personal feeling.

[00:21:38.290] - Speaker 1

So if you enjoy my energy, the information that I present in this podcast, Walk With Me is a way to transform this podcast experience into that two way communication. If you listen to this podcast and you say, oh, I want to do that. This is the perfect opportunity to add me to your network of friends and associates and mentors to help you take the steps you need to take to be the person you were meant to be, whether you decide to walk with me or not. I do hope that you will listen to the message of this episode.

[00:22:16.090] - Speaker 1

Take a look at your friends, the people that you spend the most time with, and sometimes the people we spend the most time with are not our friends.

[00:22:25.060] - Speaker 1

They may be coworkers or associates. The people you spend the most time with are influencing you, and it's time to take a good look at how that's impacting the choices you're making, the way you feel the way you think, because you have the power and the opportunity to change it all. It's time to up your game. It's time to invite yourself to grow into the person you want to be. And this may mean inviting new people into your life.

[00:22:58.330] - Speaker 1

If you enjoy listening to this podcast and you are ready to overcome your own doubts and fears so that you can step out of your current limiting roles and responsibilities and into your whatever venture potential you have to check out Walk With Me. It's additional guidance on finding your way to the delightfully, imperfect life of your dreams, check it out at donnadoyon. Com walk. I'd love to have you Walk With me. The music for this podcast is Drifting Upstream by Hyson.


Show Notes:

At about 37-seconds, I mentioned Skittles candy and wondered if the different colored candies tasted different. Apparently not. Colors and scents were added, but the candies themselves all taste the same. Who knew, right? 🙂

I mentioned attending Barbara Fe's workshops at The Studio at One Earth. Learn more about both:

I mentioned a couple of scenes from the movie Grease, starring John Travolta. Here are clips from the two scenes I mentioned. So funny! 

I think I called the coach in the movie Coach Muldoon, but his name was Coach Calhoun. I was close. 🙂

Near the end of the episode I talked about a previous episode about my Whatever Venture. Here's a link to Ep131: Amazing Whatever Ventures.

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The music for this podcast is Drifting Upstream by Hyson. The music was slightly remixed and fit to needed duration.

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